I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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