I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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