remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
