i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
