Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
