I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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