a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
