would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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