too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
