This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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