No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
