so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
