A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
