I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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