There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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