You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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