Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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