her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
