Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
