I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
