My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
