I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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