Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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