The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
