dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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