Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
