Someone shit on the floor
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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