Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone came in the potted fern
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
