It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
