quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
