1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
