I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
