twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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