I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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