Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
