Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
