JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
