you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
