We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
