I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
