I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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