That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
