What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A+ Viking dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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