I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
