When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
