i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I enjoy the company of your penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
