Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
