I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
