you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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