Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
