Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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